The Canadian Sportsman
Travel Tips
Back To Travel TipsOctober 01, 2009
It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. Okay, that might be overselling it just a bit. However, when it comes to the relative conditions of cleanliness and overall disgustingness there is a lot of variation in public restrooms.
That fact was recently underscored during The Sportsman’s annual pilgrimage to the Little Brown Jug in Delaware, OH.
Nature called somewhere in Michigan, just before we hit the Ohio border.
While my co-workers headed for the gas station men’s room, I found the ladies’ room in lockdown mode. I patiently waited, assuming the unit was already occupied. When no one emerged after several minutes, I inquired with the gas station attendant as to whether or not a key was necessary to gain access to the restroom.
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but some sort of animal got loose in there last night and made one heck of a mess,” said the young man.
“It’s pretty disgusting. You might be better off just using the men’s.”
It’s amazing to me how much information we just take at face value. Without further hesitation I turned around and made use of the men’s room, which was no prize either, and made it all the way back to the car before my mind started to wander…
What kind of animal? A chipmunk? A badger? A wolverine? Or was the attendant speaking figuratively about the ‘animal’ and really meant that it was just a gross woman with poor aim?
What do you mean ‘got loose in there’? Did the kindly badger wait patiently for the automatic sliding door at the front of the gas station to open, then bomb it straight to the back of the convenience store — bypassing aisles of cupcakes and pepperettes — just so he could use the facilities?
Did he close and lock the bathroom door behind him? Why did he pick the ladies’ room? Was it a badgerette?
How long was he in there for? Is he still in there? What was preventing them from cleaning it up and re-opening the bathroom? Was there more to the story? Had they sealed off the crime scene waiting for the badger-bathroom CSI unit to arrive?
Sadly, these questions went unanswered as we crossed the state line into Ohio. If the bathrooms of rural Michigan left us with more questions than answers, then we found restroom nirvana at the Little Brown Jug.
Of course, the Delaware County Fairgrounds has its share of what will now be referred to as ‘badger-ized’ bathrooms, but the toilet Taj Mahal can be found next to the hospitality tent atop the hill at the track’s first turn.
From the outside, it looked like just a fancy outhouse trailer. Inside, it was opulent, looking like the cabin of a cruise ship, with faux black marble sinks and counters, wood trim, slatted doors with brass fixtures and thick paper towels. It was like Fantasy Island in there.
And, it was spotlessly clean.
This, too, made many, many questions come to mind, but I thought better of mouthing off about the magical appearance of the world’s greatest public water closet — the badger could be listening.
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October 9, 2009
12:27 PM
12:27 PM
Hilarious!
~ Moira Fanning
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