The Canadian Sportsman

You never know what kind of debate you are going to get into over a pitcher of beer with a couple of friends.

“I think if I could change one thing about myself it would be my bladder,” said a friend, recently, who was immediately mocked by the others at the table for his out-of-the-blue comment.

What you would change about yourself if you could is right up there with other popular ‘what-if’ games such as, ‘How will I spend my lottery winnings’ and ‘What would I do if I was granted three wishes’. I’m sure everyone has a little something about them that they wish a fairy godmother could amend, but something struck the others at the table funny about a guy who would burn his personal get-out-of-jail-free card on something as seemingly insignificant as a larger bladder.

“Are you kidding me?” he protested. “Nothing could possibly have a bigger impact on my life — I could sleep in late and not be interrupted, drive for hours without any pit stops, make it through a pint of beer without having the hassle of walking all the way to the restroom… it would be life-changing,” he said, adamantly.

Despite his passion and commitment to the idea, he was immediately shouted down by a chorus of skeptics, who were not convinced that he had given his choice nearly enough thought.

Within 60 seconds, many alternatives were presented for his consideration:

“Wouldn’t you rather have a rocket arm so you could throw a 100 mph fastball?”
“No.”

“What about the speed of a cheetah – be the fastest man alive?”
“Nope.”

“Wouldn’t you like to be taller or have more hair?”
“Don’t care.”

“How about an Irish or Scottish accent that would make the ladies swoon?”
“Whatever.”

“Wouldn’t you rather have laser vision or at least 20/20 so you could ditch your glasses?”
“No.”

“I’m telling you it’s the bladder. Hands down, no question,” he said, rising from the table, en route to the men’s room.