The Canadian Sportsman
Off Course
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I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook. Mostly hate.
I’ve always been basically a ‘grazer’ on the popular social-networking site — someone who peeks in to check out what her friends are up to every now and then, but not someone who will linger to play games, post photographs, answer 25 questions about my personality or update my status. That last one is key. I have never updated my status. Not once. I find it.... (searching for the right word).... insufferable.
Now, long ago I realized that Facebook wasn’t really for me, but rather for the mothers of young children to post photographs, to discuss developmental milestones and to keep the world breathlessly waiting for the next update on whether their kid smiled, slept or crapped this morning.
I accept that and I know that I’m in the minority of people who aren’t interested that: “So-and-so is.... tired because Tristen woke up four times in the night and [insert name of useless husband here] didn’t get up to help and now wonders if she should cancel the appointment with the baby photographer for this afternoon because Ashleeigh made pancakes this morning and dumped a pound of flour all over the kitchen floor and the house is a mess!!”
I didn’t think status updates could get any worse than this kind of overly-detailed adventure into the minutiae of childrearing, but then the game abruptly changed.
The new trend in status updates is to be as vague as possible, providing just a teaser and making everyone guess at what’s going on in that particular person’s life. There could be something important going on. Or, more likely, there is nothing going on except for bored people crying out for attention. This is so much worse and, I would argue, a plague on the Internet. I long for the days of too much information.
You’ll see this trend manifest itself in status updates such as:
Lauren Lee is hopeful...
Lauren Lee is in need of your help...
Lauren Lee is wishing things were different...
Lauren Lee is thinking it’s time for a change...
Lauren Lee is waiting patiently...
Or, the most egregious offender, simply, Lauren Lee is...
You know what, Facebook friends? Lauren Lee is... not playing your little game. Lauren Lee... is not going to pretend to be interested in your vague little problem or be party to your incredibly needy quest for attention.
Lauren Lee is... going to log off Facebook now and never, ever return.
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