The Canadian Sportsman
Know What I Hate?
Back To Know What I Hate?February 04, 2010
A load of super crap: Why Super Bowl would be ashamed to share a name with the “big game"
The Super Bowl was great back when it used to be a football game.
The big game.
Hard-hitting excitement.
Tough guys acting tough.
Women in the kitchen, kids in their rooms and you and a few buddies having some beer and watching a pigskin classic.
That’s the way things used to be.
Now, all we’ve got is two weeks of nothing but talk leading up to the ‘big game’ where football seems to be an afterthought. Why in the heck do we need an eight-hour pre-game show? Here’s what you need to know before the game: the Indianapolis Colts are going to play the New Orleans Saints on Feb. 7 around 6 p.m. in Miami. Both teams are good. There’s your pre-game update. And it took me 15 seconds.
Then, it’ll be five more hours for the game itself, once you consider all the commercials, big half-time show and those dreadful sideline people yammering on.
Cripes, Bernie can make a whole casserole in the time it takes someone to sing the national anthem nowadays. Not to mention the delay when whoever they’ve got passing for entertainment gets a little too frisky with the dry ice machine at the half and lets off a smoke bomb that fogs the field for the next half hour.
I can’t be sitting around on the couch for 13 hours, not with my bursitis. May as well just supersoak me in Bengay and leave me to die.
My son Robbie was reading an article in his ESPN magazine the other day. It said that in an average 60-minute NFL game, there’s less than 13 minutes of game action since the clock runs between plays, during the huddle or whatever. Thirteen minutes! Even regular season games are a waste of time.
Here’s an idea. Let’s do my 15-second pre-game show, followed by singing the anthem straight up in 75 seconds — the way nature intended. Then we’ll do the whole game in 13 minutes, ditching the dead air, crappy commercials and the half-time show along the way.
The Super Bowl in less than 15 minutes? Why I won’t even need to run a hot bath.
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