The Canadian Sportsman
In the Equine Ether
Back To In the Equine EtherDecember 31, 2009
I’m a Queen in the field of local, live, small business entertainment
I’m not going to lie to you, my psychic friends, times are tough in the Equine Psychic Medium (EPM) game.
It’s a cynical world.
You’d think most people would want to unlock the secret of their racehorse’s mind and open the doors to the vault, but C’est la vie (that’s French for “whoop dee do”). I refuse to let the hostile vibes of the doubters infect my sunny-side-up demeanor.
Given the state of the economy, the number of lavish office Christmas parties is down this year. Apparently, employers are reluctant to mix alcohol with disgruntled employees.
One trend that’s big among companies is throwing together something that’s part pot luck, part swap meet and part carnival sideshow.
Simply circle a date in December, ask employees to whip up their best lime Jell-O and floating fruit combination, bring small gifts to trade with the colleagues they like and order in some inexpensive local talent.
On that last score, business is booming. I’ve had to reinvent myself a little, but it doesn’t take much more than putting on some big hoop earrings, throwing on my great-great-grandmother Esmeralda Hicks’ gypsy skirt and pulling the old crystal ball out of the trunk of mystery.
My boyfriend, True Harmony, brings the brownies.
I’ve done 12 office parties so far this month, though the other day I lost a gig to a place that decided to bring in a live reindeer instead. I tried to convince the man I probably could do a psychic reindeer reading, but he just hung up.
For the parties I have done, Tarot card readings are popular, unless you get bad news. (One guy burst into tears when I told him he better start looking for a new job).
I can’t figure out why the bosses always choke when I tell them I’d like to bring a horse into the office and show everyone what I do best. Heck, Jack McNiven brought Run The Table right up to the stage for the stallion’s induction into the Canadian Horse Racing Hall of Fame and everyone LOVED that.
Naturally, everyone wants me to make predictions for 2010. I’m no Miss Cleo. I do horses, remember? About all I can tell them is:
• Greg Peck will not have a horse better than Muscle Hill.
• Everyone will grumble about declining handle and then do nothing.
• Former Canadian horse of the year Admirals Express will race at least 30 times “because he loves it” and then, mercifully, will reach mandatory retirement age at the end of the year.
To these predictions, most of the suit-and-tie insurance types just stare at me with glassy eyes and open mouths covered in brownie crumbs.
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